MARK KENNEDY: Some of us are old enough to remember the iconic line from the 1970 film "Love Story": "Love means never having to say you're sorry." When it comes to parenting, though, this makes for a lousy philosophy. Several times a year, I find it important to apologize to my kids. Don't get me wrong: I don't go around blubbering, "I'm sorry," every day. But when I truly do step out of bounds, I find it appropriate -- even therapeutic -- to set things straight. How will children ever learn to apologize themselves if we don't model the behavior?
KAREN NAZOR HILL: I have never been too proud to apologize for my mistakes whether it be to another adult or child. I'm not perfect so why would I want anyone, including my children or my 3-year-old granddaughter, to think that I am? Children depend on us to teach them everything from eating to talking to being kind, sharing and how to love. It is up to us to teach them to admit they've done something wrong by admitting our wrong doings to them. We live by example.
MARK: Most of my apologies come after I blow my top with my older son. On those rare occasions when I lose my cool and shout at my children, I feel obligated to circle back and apologize for my style, if not my sentiments. It usually goes something like this: "I was disappointed in your behavior tonight, Son, but I'm sorry for shouting. I don't want you to shout at me when you're angry, so it's not fair for me to raise my voice with you."
My older son, now 8, usually accepts the apology with grace. As a result, he doesn't sulk, and I don't have to be embarrassed. It puts things back on a normal footing almost immediately so we don't have to walk on egg shells.
KAREN: Mark, you hit the nail on the head. Children are so forgiving, much more so that adults. They readily accept your apology. I am so fortunate that my granddaughter lives next door to me and I get to see her every day. She was spending the night with us recently, and just before bedtime, she got super cranky. In a slightly raised voice, I asked her if she behaved this way at home before bedtime. She looked up at me in all her innocence and answered, "I don't mean to." Oh, my heart fell on the floor. All she wanted from me was understanding and love. I picked her up and said, "Baby, I am sorry I made you sad. I'm not mad at you." She hugged me, climbed into bed, and everything in her world was just fine. Mine, too.
Kennedy is the content editor of the Times Free Press Life sections and writes the “Life Stories” column. Previously, he was the first Sunday editor of the Times Free Press. Before Chattanooga’s newspapers were merged in 1999, Kennedy was the coordinating editor of the Chattanooga Times, where he had previously been an education reporter, feature writer and team leader. His first newspaper job was as sports editor of the Cleveland (Tenn.) Daily Banner. Kennedy’s human ...
Feature writer Karen Nazor Hill covers fashion, design, home and gardening, pets, entertainment, human interest features and more. She also is an occasional news reporter and the Town Talk columnist. She previously worked for the Catholic newspaper Tennessee Register and was a reporter at the Chattanooga Free Press from 1985 to 1999, when the newspaper merged with the Chattanooga Times. She won a Society of Professional Journalists Golden Press third-place award in feature writing for ...
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