Courter: Are you a buffet artist or construction engineer?

It occurred to me the other day as I watched a patron nearly cause a fight at an Indian restaurant that buffets are a good place to study human behavior as you can learn a lot about somebody by how they approach a table filled with all kinds of culinary choices.

The guy was a pacer (see below), who very rudely tried to rush the fellow in front of him in the line.

Buffets draw all kinds of people, including polite folks who will gladly let you cut in to grab something you forgot, and the buffet buffoons, as well. I once was a weekly regular at a local Thai restaurant that had a great buffet. The owner quit serving it after discovering that a certain group of patrons was hoarding a favorite chicken wing dish and loading them into their cars for co-workers back at the office.

Some folks see buffets as an opportunity to pile large portions of their favorite foods onto one plate, and others see them as a chance to sample several different offerings. I’m not overly fond of buffets in general, but I do enjoy a good Thai or Indian buffet because of the chance to sample new things.

Just as there are rules of etiquette to be followed, there are several types of people who frequent buffet lines, including:

* The artist. This is the person who sees his plate as a palette for his palate. The artist takes his time arranging his food selections by shape, size and color. If rice or pasta is served, it is strategically placed in the center of the plate and the entree and sides are meticulously positioned around it like moons.

* The construction engineer. This guy is all about heft. He understands that mashed potatoes can serve as a foundation for holding everything together and for getting more on the plate. The CE knows that by ringing his plate with the thick, sticky stuff, he can double the amount of fried okra and peas he can pile on without fear of spillage. He also understands the need for layering, leverage and balance. His goal is to pile it on and get it back to the table. Never mind that he could return for more or that the entire thing will likely fall apart like a house of cards when he tries to offload his first bite.

* The hummingbird. This is the person who takes his time flitting through the line studying the name cards describing each item and the dishes themselves. This person will use the serving spoon to pick through the food looking for just the right piece. He’ll pick out the choice piece of chicken or lobster, put it on his plate and then dive back in for another. He does this with every dish on the buffet, oblivious to the growing line behind him.

* The cutter. This is a rule breaker who doesn’t think he should have to wait in line again once he’s had his first plate. He just wants a particular dish and thinks he should be able to go right to it. The most offensive cutter is the one who goes behind the buffet line to get what he wants. I once saw a guy not only do this, but he took every last bit of the dish as soon as the server brought it out.

* The pacer. This guy is a cutter wannabe. He steps in and out of the line staring at the hummingbird or the artist up ahead, hoping his behavior will shame the others into hurrying up. The pacer is also worried sick his favorite dish will be gone before he can get to it.